To open or not to open, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to social distance and quarantine for the sake of our families and the vulnerable among us or to throw caution to the wind and “get back to work” for the sake of the economy . . . and accept the waves of pandemic hotspots filled with disease and death. Aye, there’s the rub.
My mind keeps running scenarios on how this pandemic might end. I’m reminded of the movie Sliding Doors in which Gwenyth Paltrow’s character plays out one storyline based on a missed train and a rewinding of time to an alternate reality in which she catches the train. But our alternate realities are both deeply disturbing. I feel our national psyche slipping further into a dystopian reality where we speak of things previously unspeakable, we change what we do in ways previously undoable, we contemplate things previously unthinkable, and accept things previously unacceptable.
The world as I have known it seems upside down and inside out. More like a fast-paced historical thriller, something too grotesque and overly dramatic to be real … than the life I am living. With our limited understanding of how COVID-19 works and the failure of the government to follow scientific advice on controlling the pandemic, it is like an angel of death passing among us, felling those whose time it declares up. Being well versed in the context and storylines of struggling democracies and failed states, I find this too familiar. Suffering from an overactive social conscience, I search for ways to be helpful. Being overwhelmed with daily responsibilities of a four person household with only one adult, I have difficulty staying focused. Lacking in sleep, I experience surreal moments each day when I want to pinch myself and wake up. I want to shake off this dark daydream of how life would be here in the United States if we were sliding into economic, political, societal, and/or environmental disaster like so many countries I have worked in during my international development career. Where the needs of women are ignored because of the urgency in getting “more important problems” fixed. Where the needs of children are ignored because they are someone else’s problem, especially after the schools have closed. Where the needs of the poor, sick, and vulnerable are ignored because they are invisible and irrelevant to the powers that be. Where the government gives up trying to protect anyone except itself as it is transformed into a propaganda machine focused on self-preservation. Yet, I am wide awake and here we are.
As a parent I struggle with how to educate my children in the ways of this brave new world, how they should interpret the abrupt changes they have experienced, and how they can navigate this new normal. I do not believe it will end anytime soon, so I cannot put off the work of guiding them and helping them develop new coping skills until I myself have figured out how to adjust. I try to focus on good things to balance out the horror show reality in hospitals, nursing homes, prisons, immigrant detention centers, and for those anywhere else who are vulnerable to the deadly virus. I am actively preparing for how my children will likely spend the next school year as distance learners. How we can maintain relationships with family and friends outside our household in meaningful ways, adjusting to the intrusiveness of technology that must be inserted into our conversations and connections. How we can still engage with our community and fulfill our civic duties, to promote social justice and defend our democracy. How we can make the most of this “corona time” as a family to create positive memories of our quarantine life to hold on to and build resilience.
We will get through this. But, we will not be the same. For now, I am grateful for the healing weather. I find the sounds of nature – uninterrupted by humans – to be soothing on my nerves and the sunshine hopeful. We all have a long road ahead.
Stay safe and well. Hug your kids. Check on your family, friends and neighbors.
Vote like your life depends on it. Because it very well might.
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