Heros, all. Let me count the ways….
Mothers are honored as heros for protecting and defending those in their care, for educating the family and community, for being the conscience of society, for inspiring their children and others through acts of selflessness and sacrifice, and in some countries for continuing to have children when populations are decimated by war and conflict.
As a kid, Mother’s Day was the one day my brothers and I were supposed to be extra helpful and respectful to Mom for all that she did for us year round. When we forgot one year, my dad admonished us that we were lucky that my mom had “softened” his rough edges…. and that we had better remember our mother on Mother’s Day if on no other day. For my kids, their teachers would remind them about Mother’s Day and help them prepare a card or piece of art as a surprise for me. And we would usually spend the day at the Botanical Gardens or the Zoo and a favorite restaurant. But not today. Instead, we were home and at the park five minutes away – our whole world for the past two months.
This first pandemic Mother’s Day has been fraught with more emotions than usual. The kids have a more intense need for hugs and attention since they only have physical contact with each other and me. As a single parent, I feel the full weight of responsibility for their physical, emotional, educational, and mental health and well-being. Distance learning, distance medical appointments, distance socializing, and distance entertainment are so far away as to be unreachable for my low-screen-use kids. I have been simultaneously dismayed and proud when my kids have each turned away from screentime visits because “they don’t feel the same.” Meanwhile, our bonds as a family have never been tighter. So much togetherness without outside interference has created new pathways of relationship and depth of understanding each other. But it also creates added vulnerability as social distancing has disconnected us from the outside support network of neighbors, teachers, school, extracurricular activities, friends and family – and the freedom to jump in the car for a change of scenery.
Navigating these uncertain times calls for daily acts of heroism related to the mothers among us. For mothers whose age and infirmities put them at greater risk, they must social distance to stay them safe. They are not able to see their children or grandchildren, or if they do visit, they cannot hug them, hold their hands, or sit close. Mothers-to-be must endure their joyful anticipation of new life being tinged by the uncertainty of what a trip to the hospital might mean and being isolated as new mothers from their extended family who would otherwise visit and help out.
Mothers – even working mothers – provide the majority of unpaid care work at home. Since the lockdown, mothers of babies and toddlers and preschoolers have to manage without care options to help out when they need to work or just get things done around the house. Mothers of school-age children now have both care and supervision of distance learning added to their daily to-do list. Mothers who work in essential service jobs – in groceries, hospitals, nursing homes – must continue to work despite the risk of bringing home sickness to themselves and their families.
On this pandemic Mother’s Day, here’s to us.
[T]he pandemic has also revealed a quiet kind of heroism: that of the billions of people whom we’ve asked to stay home, abandon their livelihoods, and set aside their own identities for the sake of preventing deaths they cannot see. There will be no parades for these people. Most will not be able to connect their sacrifices to any one life saved. Yet there is heroism in their stories, too. Writing the postpandemic script will be tough. But if we remember that everyone has a role to play, the empty pages will, once again, be filled with stories.
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp2015556